I'm Sorry
by kittylovesanime
Summary: Aradia is trying to get closure before time's up. Will she get it?


I let out a deep breath, opening my eyes. They see nothing, just a lovely sunset. The colors red and yellow are mixing together, reminding me again of us.

Him.

Sollux.

I sit down on the edge of the rooftop, waiting on limited time. _I hope he comes before it's too late…I'm sorry.  
-_

I saw him from behind the doorway, sitting at his desk, slumped over. It was my birthday, and he looked as if he went through war. His hair was messed up, his clothes frumpy. It was like he didn't care about his appearance anymore. I sighed to myself. _Smile Sollux. It's my birthday._

Karkat approached Sollux, placing a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "YO, SOLLUX," Karkat said in greeting. The mustard blood barely even looked up. Karkat sat down next to him, handing him a small card. "I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TODAY, BUT HERE. PASS IT ON TO HER FOR ME, OKAY?" At that, Sollux started to tear up. "SHIT MAN, I'M SORRY-" Karkat began to say, but Sollux cut him off.

"IIt'2 cool bro. II know you were tryiing to cheer me up. Thank2. II'm 2ure 2he'll liike iit." I could tell how much he struggled to say that; the wounds are still too fresh. _I'm sorry…_

"Aradia?" a voice asked behind me. I turned around, facing Feferi.

"Feferi…hey."

She nodded her head at Sollux. ")(e's still )(urting, isn't )(e?" A look from my eyes gave her the answers she needed. "I'll make sure )(e gets t)(roug)(." She reached for my shoulder, but quickly reminded herself that she couldn't do that. Right then, Eridan came up. "Morning -Eridan!" she greeted cheerily, changing her demeanor.

"Fef wwhat are you doin?"

She stole a glance at me. "Just uh…c)(illing!"

"Wwere you talkin to yourself?"

"N-no, of course not!" She put on a smile. I could tell that she felt bad for keeping me a secret, but it was the only way I could've stayed around without bringing attention.

"Wwell come on!" He put an arm around her, leading her inside. He looked in my direction, but I knew that he didn't see me. Feferi threw an apologetic look, but I waved her off, mouthing, "Have fun."

I looked back at Sollux and the way the trolls surrounded him in comfort. I sighed again. "I'm sorry," I whispered. The bell rang and everyone settled for another one of Kankri's lectures. I knew I could stay and kept a watch on him, but I didn't think I could bear seeing him like this, especially on my birthday.

I started walking down the empty halls, seeing images of my past, knowing I would never have them again. "Well Aradia," I said out loud, "Happy seventeenth." _Even though I'll never age again.  
~**~_

I sat down on the ground next to my grave, waiting for him to come. It was dusk, and I've watched my friends come by and pay their respects, leaving a little something. I smiled every time they did it; it let me know that they still cared. But no matter what, Sollux always topped everyone else, pretending that I was still alive and having a grave party, as I always said. He'd bring my favorite foods, like caramel-covered strawberries, pork rinds, and rice. He'd bring so many colorful balloons and tied them to my gravestone. Then he'd sit down-it was always right next to me, as if he felt my presence there-and start eating the food, acting like we were on a date. He pretended to feed me, telling me to say "ahh," even though he never saw me. I played along every time, opening my mouth to eat a bite, wishing so badly I was able to eat them again. _Oh how I wish…_

I checked my watch; it was frozen at 6:23 p.m., the time I died. But I could feel that he was late; he always came at this time to honor me. _What's taking him so long?_ I wrapped my arms around myself, rocking a little. _Oh Sollux…_

After a while, I heard footsteps. I snapped my head in their direction, lighting up. He was carrying a picnic basket with balloons, bringing a boom box this time as well. I gave out a small squeal, relieved that he decided to come back. I smoothed down my wild hair-a habit that I could never stop doing-and stood up. He put the things down, and I opened my arms. "Happy biirthday Aradiia," Sollux said. I rushed to him, going for a hug…but as always, I was met with air as I passed through his body. My heart broke just a little more, aching to feel him again. I swallowed the lump in my throat and I sat down in my original spot next to my grave again, patting the place next to me.

As if he knew, he sat down next to me. He reached over to the boom box. I noticed how it used to be mine, but he had modified to it to be a dock for an iPod. I laughed to myself. _Such a techie…_ He plugged in his iPod and pressed play. Immediately the song "Missing You" by G-Dragon started playing. I felt that lump in my throat getting bigger; I first heard it the day I died and I remembered telling him that I'd like him to play it for my funeral, even though it's in Korean and no one knew what the words meant. True to his word, he played it during my funeral, and every special occasion I was supposed to be having with him.

Sollux smiled, but I could tell he was faking it, just for me. He grabbed the picnic basket, bringing out my favorite foods. Then we went through our usual routine of pretending that I was still alive and he could see me. He made corny jokes and we both laughed. I threw back witty comments, but I knew he'd never hear them. But we kept up the act, staying in this bubble, wishing it never ended.

After we finished eating, Sollux began packing up slowly. This was the worst part of his visits; going back to reality…one without me. "You know Aradiia," Sollux said, "today at 2chool, we liit up fiirework2 at the fiield. They were red and yellow, our color2. One of them liit up an iimage of you. You looked 2o beautiiful, and iit hiit me agaiin how much II mii22 you." He paused for a moment, focusing on what he was doing. Then he suddenly kicked the basket, letting out an anguished yell.

"Sollux?" I asked worriedly, not caring that he couldn't hear me.

"Why diid you have two go?!" he screamed, scooping up dirt and throwing it everywhere. "You 2aiid we were goiing to be together, you 2aiid you'd never leave!"

"But I didn't leave! I'm still here!" I yelled back. But of course he never heard. He kept on throwing dirt and screaming like an animal in pain. After what felt like hours, he finally stopped, slumping to his knees in front of my gravestone.

"You ruiined me Aradiia…" he whispered, his shoulders shaking. I didn't understand what he was doing until I heard the loud sobs, the tears running down his face. "II can't love anyone el2e becau2e of you…why'd you have two go…?"

I knelt at his side, putting my arms around him, but they just went through him. He shivered and I desperately wanted to feel him again. "I'm sorry Sollux…so sorry…" _For putting you through this._

He stared blankly at my gravestone, reaching over to stroke the words on it. "Aradia Megido. Loving, quirky, sassy, and adventurous troll. We'll miss you," is what it said. "II want you two come back…" Sollux whispered, choking on his tears.

"I know love…I know," I answered softly, feeling a dull ache in my chest.  
~**~

I was in the cemetery mausoleum, moping on the floor, when I heard a ding coming from my phone. It still worked for some reason; Doc said that every object associated with me should've stopped working. And given the fact that Damara canceled my phone plan, it seemed really weird, but I didn't mind; it reminded me that I still had a connection to the world.

I checked my phone, showing an alert from Trollian.

[TA (twinArmageddon) began trolling AA(apocalypseArisen) at 11:11 p.m.]

TA: hey aa?

TA: 2orry ii'm late

TA: but ii wanted two tell you happy 17th…you 2tiill de2erve iit.

TA: and 2orry about having a meltdown iin front of you

TA: okay well…good niight

TA: ii love you

[TA (twinArmageddon) stopped trolling AA(apocalypseArisen) at 11:13 p.m]

I closed the window, fighting back tears. It was stupid, he's been doing this on every special occasion, but the way he's still acting like I was still alive just hit me every single damn time. _As if I'd respond…_

"Well well well, if it isn't the little time girl," a condescending voice commented behind me. I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want Doc?"

He came into my view, standing just a few inches away from me. He had no face, but I always imagined him with a little sneer. "Nothing," he answered, "just going to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thanks," I said curtly, standing up and striding away to the other side of the room, pretending to be immersed in staring at the names on the marble walls.

"Did you see your friends?"

"Of course I did why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged. "It's been seven months."

"Yeah I know," I snapped. "Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop caring."

"Now now, why the sass?"

"I'm seventeen I'm supposed to be sassy." I ran a thumb over one of the names. _The Handmaid._

I heard him try to approach me again, his shoes clacking against the floor steadily. "Technically you're still sixteen."

"I'm sassy either way." I evaded him by stepping to the left and going to admire the statues of angels guarding the doorway.

"Ms. Megido, why do you keep resisting? The longer you hold on, the harder it is to cross to the other side."

I sighed. "I don't want to Doc."

"It's for the best…well, I must go. I have other pressing things to attend to. Ta-ta." I felt a small breeze, letting me know that he disappeared, just like that.

I leaned against the statue. "Dammit Doc…"

~**~  
And so the months went by, and Sollux kept coming by restlessly to celebrate with me, and later on trolling me for a few minutes. Easter, his birthday, 4th of July, they all came and went this way. And every time, we'd end up crying and I couldn't stop saying, "I'm sorry, so so sorry," through tears.

It was September, a new school year. I'd have been a senior now. Sollux came by again after school, telling me how the new year was going to suck without me. _I feel the same way…_

"You know what II really mii22, AA?" Sollux asked mindlessly, picking at the grass.

"What?"

"I mii22 your po2iitiiviity. No matter what, you'd alway2 2ay that iit'll get better. You never 2topped lookiing at the briight 2iide. Not even on your la2t breath2." He let out a deep breath, looking up at the sky. The colors were blending together to make a beautiful sunset, going into night soon. "Look AA, our color2." He pointed up, a smile on his face. He loved sunsets; he enjoyed how it symbolized beauty with our colors, taking it to mean that we'll always be lovely together.

He looked back down at me, the smile becoming wider. The sunset reflected off of his 3-D glasses, and I saw it in his eyes, the way he'd never stop looking at me, even though he couldn't really see me.

"I love how you always cared, even now. You're the only one who worries about my safety, putting it over your own." I slowly put my hand over his, but it only went through. _I wish he felt it…_

"II 2tiill blame myself you know." The smile fell again.

"No don't…"

"IIf only II wa2n't 2uch a dumb-a22 leaving you alone."

"Come on Sollux, you were getting us ice cream you didn't know…"

"II left you and fuckiing Gamzee and Equiiu2 came along to bother you. To thii2 day II have no iidea how they got hold of your ring…" _But I do._ Equius asked what was on my left finger, and I felt proud, so I showed it off, knowing it'll piss him off a little. Gamzee took hold of my hand, claiming to be taking a better look, and the next thing I knew, it was gone; Gamzee had it in his hands and started to play catch with Equius. I felt so stupid, like Monkey in the Middle, and I hated to feel humiliated, so I chased them. We went across the street. I didn't look both ways, but I swear the light was for me. I didn't care about the traffic, all I cared about was the ruby engagement ring.

And then…that's when it happened.

An ambulance hit me.

I went flying half the block. The ambulance must've been in a rush or something, because it was too sudden. It felt like my heart was caught in my throat, a moment of silence in this bubble. People said that you would watch your life flash by, but all that flashed by was Sollux's image. For a brief second, I worried about how he'd react, but then I felt my head crack against the cement, and I almost blacked out. I tried to move, but my limbs were bent out of shape in odd angles. I didn't feel anything, but then searing pain coursed through my body like wild fire. The only thing that would move a little was my neck.

And all I saw was blood.

Rust blood everywhere. A piece of my ram horns was lying beside me and I just thought, _Damn and I took so much time to keep them strong._ Pretty stupid of me to have thought that.

Sollux's pained voice reached my ears. I strained to look towards him, but it hurt so much. _Sollux…_ "Aradiia!" he screamed, rushing to my side.

"S-Sol…"

"2hh," he said, brushing my hair away from my face. I looked into his 3-D glasses and wished that I could move my arm to caress his cheek.

"I-I'm sorry…"

"2hh Aradiia don't 2ay that. Ju2t hold on, help ii2 comiing."

I shook my head weakly. "I'm not…gonna make it…but I'll be okay…"

"Plea2e don't 2ay that…" His eyes started to tear up.

"It's true…I'm really sorry it has to be like this…" I coughed a little, my blood staining my lips. He wiped it away gently. I closed my eyes for a brief second, knowing it'll be the last time I'd feel his warmth.

"Aradiia no…!"

"This is it Sollux…smile for me, please?" I tried to smile myself, but even that hurt.

He grimaced, the best he could do right now. "II love you," he whispered.

Then I closed my eyes for the final time.

I never recalled seeing Gamzee and Equius at the scene since I got hit, and I never got my ring back.

"II'm 2o 2orry AA…" Sollux's soft whimpers brought me out of my thoughts.

"Sol no…" I raised an arm to comfort him, but I just put it back down. _He won't feel it anyways…_

All I could do was watch his shoulders shake, his heart-broken wails filling the dead silent cemetery.  
~**~

"You know, Ms. Megido, you don't have much time left," Doc said nonchalantly, lazily sitting in a chair.

I thumbed through a magazine, not really paying attention. "Mmm…"

"Do you hear me? Your time's almost up."

"Yes Doc I heard you," I responded absent-mindedly.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing obviously." Lately, Doc's been bothering me about moving on; he told me that a ghost only has a year to have some sort of closure and really move on. If they haven't by the time the year's up, they'll disappear…from the world and from the memories of their loved ones, as if they never existed. _It's like starting over from scratch._

"Do you want your dear friends to forget you?"

"Let them forget me. I'm just bringing them more pain and they can't even see me!"

"Even Sollux?" I froze, letting the magazine drop to the floor.

"N-no…not him."

"So. Let go."

I shot a look at Doc. "How could you say that?!" I fumed. "It's not that easy letting go of the most important person in your life after watching them still be in so much pain."

"You had a year…" he sing-songed, twirling a pencil in his hand.

"Ughh! You're unbelievable!" I got up from the floor and stomped away from the mausoleum, kicking a tree angrily.

"My my, still fighting, even as a ghost," Doc said from behind, startling me. _He has GOT to stop sneaking up on me like that!_

I whirled on him. "Well what do you want me to do Doc?! I can't tell Sollux how I'm feeling, because he can't hear me! Much less see me! He doesn't know how much I yearn to be with him again, _because he can't feel me._"

"I can make you visible again," Doc answered simply.

I looked at him, my mouth agape. "What?"

"I can make you flesh again. That way, your boyfriend can see, hear, and touch you."

"And you tell me this now?!" I screeched.

"Now now, can't have you abusing me." He shook a finger at me.

"Ugh I can't with you." I threw up my hands in the air.

"I can do it, but only for a limited time."

I raised an eyebrow. "How long is that?"

"For you, six hours. From noon until your time of death, I can make you alive."

I tilted my head at him. "Really?" I asked, my eyes widening.

I imagined a small smile on his face. "I'm quite serious, Aradia."  
-

And so, I passed the last week and a half plotting with Feferi. She's been trying to convince Sollux to meet up with me, but he kept turning her down, not believing a word she said. I bet he thinks she's crazy for insisting that I'm alive. _Come on Sollux just this one time…_

I've been working all day to make this lovely picnic, as a thank-you to all the times he's done it for me. I bought red and yellow balloons, Al Pastor tacos, and Pepsi. I laid them all out here on the roof of his apartment building, and I spent the last two hours waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

I let out a frustrated groan, checking my watch for the eleventh time in five minutes. Luckily, it started working again since my resurrection. It's 6 p.m. Twenty-three minutes until my time's up and I'm erased. _Sollux, please come._

Out of nowhere, I get a text from Feferi.

[From: Feferi]

[Received: 6 p.m.]

[Aradiiiaa! I don't t)(ink )(e's going. )(e refused to listen to me and sped off in )(is car, yelling that I s)(ouldn't bot)(er, and )(e doesn't care. I swear, I told )(im w)(ere you were going to be and every)(ing, but )(e's just not…]

[From: Feferi]

[Received: 6:01 p.m.]

[I'm reelly sorry 38(]

I slowly let my phone drop to my side, my eyes tearing up. _I guess he moved on already… _I start to pack up, looking up at the sky every few minutes, feeling that pain all over again. _I'm sorry I even tried._

Sitting again on the edge of the roof, I glance at my left ring finger, feeling empty and cold. So, so cold. I let the time pass by, blankly staring at the horizon. I dreamed of my whole life with him, and it feels so weird and unnatural that I won't be able to share it anymore.

Checking my watch again, it's 6:20. A no-show. _Hm. First time he's ever stood me up…_ I get off the edge and pick up the basket and the blanket I bought, taking my time getting to the door, when suddenly-

"Aradiia!" Sollux screams, crashing open the door, searching wildly for me. When he finally sees me, and I mean really sees me, he starts to break down. His disheveled form breaks my heart, and all I do is drop everything and run to him. We wrap our arms around each other tightly, feeling the all too real warmth of each other.

"Sol…you really came…" I say, my head on his chest, hearing his heart beat.

"II'm 2o 2orry II diidn't beliieve you. How can II be 2o 2tupiid…?"

"Shh Sollux…don't beat yourself up." We stay like this our little bubble, until he asks:

"How long?"

I don't have to check the time to know. "One minute."

He pulls away a little, staring deeply into my eyes. "Then let'2 make iit worth iit." And just like that, he kisses me, still tasting like honey. _I can't believe how much I missed it._ "II love you," he whispers against my lips.

"And you light up my world," I answer, pulling him closer to me, feeling the effect wearing off. Already I'm turning transparent again, but I urged, "Don't let go Sollux."

"II won't." We hold on as best as we can, until my body goes through his again, and I know I have to step back. "AA?" he asks, struggling to see my fading form against the sunset.

"My time's up. But don't worry, I'll see you again on the other side. I'll be waiting…!"  
~**~

"Grandpa?" I ask, but not getting an answer. "Grandpa?" I ask again, "are you here?" I knock on his bedroom door, but nothing. Slowly, I open the door, easing myself in. I let my eyes adjust to the dark. "Grandpa," I whisper this time, "come on, I know you're here. I see you on the bed." I tip-toe to his side and poke him a little. He doesn't stir. _Maybe he's asleep…_

But I find it weird that he's sleeping so still; he usually sleeps on his side, snoring. I poke him again. Nothing. "Grandpa? Are you okay?" I question, worry creeping into my voice. I start to shake him. "Grandpa stop playing, it's scaring me!" I crawl on top of him, shaking him more.

Then I place my hand on his chest.

And there's no heartbeat.

My eyes widen at the realization, and my eyes begin to well up. Before I let the waterworks out, I notice blue light in my periphery coming from his computer. _How didn't I notice it before?_

Getting off the bed, I make my way towards it, wondering why it's even on. I look at the screen; Trollian is active and it's blinking with a message. I open the window and begin to read.

[TA (twinArmageddon) began trolling AA (apocalypseArisen) at 11 p.m.]

11:00 p.m.: TA: ii'm coming aa…see you in a few.

11:23 p.m.: AA: I missed you so much!


End file.
